Backlog

This is a raw and vulnerable look at where my mind and life have been recently. Not sharing any photos and I’ve just posted it as is – forgive any typos and confusion. The act of writing this out has been so helpful for my current mental state. 

It’s been days, weeks, and months since I’ve written, and to be honest I have barely thought about this blog in my little corner of the internet. In this post I’ll attempt to account for my disappearance and forecast what’s to come.

End of July/August – A whirlwind of packing and saying goodbye to our friends and loved ones. We had a number of get togethers and parties but my favorite was most likely the party we had at Game Craft Brewery in Laguna Hills, California. 
After a week of driving and seeing just about every terrain America has on display we arrived in Charlottesville, Virginia. Our route was Cloudcroft, New Mexico – Glen Rose, Texas – Nashville, Tennessee. 
We left our cat Jones with my parents in Texas as our temporary apartment in Charlottesville was not pet friendly. 
Our first night in the new apartment was terrible and neither of us slept very well. It got better after that but we knew right away we’d want to get out of this temporary apartment sooner than we had planned. 
Thankfully we found a townhome on Zillow that we totally loved. 
We made an offer on the townhome about a week after we arrived in Charlottesville. I know – I am as shocked as you. 
The homebuying process seemed to drag on 
F O R E V E R 
but we finally moved in on September 26th!! 
The first thing I did was do a load of laundry. Theres nothing I hate more about laundry except for when I have to PAY TO DO LAUNDRY. 
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Right after we moved in I got news that my grandmother was not doing well at all and would be dying in the next week or so. 
Even just typing that is a shock to my body, soul, and mind. 
My Granell died on September 29th 2019. 
I did not do a good job processing her death and the time I spent in Texas for her viewing and funeral. 
I plan to write more in depth about her death in the future, but I still can’t bring myself to do it right now. She was and is a beacon in my life. We will move on and continue to live life without her but it will never ever be the same. 
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We returned home to Virginia for a week before we went right back out into the wide world – this time to California for the Here We Still Stand Conference. 
San Diego was perfect as it always is, I was happy for the distraction. 
After a terrible and delayed set of flights we made it back home for good on Monday around 4 pm. 
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While all of this has been happening I’ve also been starting my new job, in a new field, in a new place. I have felt inadequate more often than not. 
I am not a person who often feels stressed, anxious, or depressed but I have to admit that I have felt symptoms of all those in the past month. 
I would be amiss to not mention the wonderful community we have stepped into here. We’ve had dinners with folks, we’ve been over to peoples houses, and we’ve been to a number of small group meetings. For that I am so thankful.
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Lots to process and lots to be thankful for. 
Lots of stress sewing and ignoring heavy sad things. 
My family is coming to visit for Thanksgiving and this year we will be spending the Holidays on the East Coast which means no plane rides in my future. 
I’ve been listening to lots of Regina Spektor and Phoebe Bridgers which tells you alot about my mental setting of late. 
One positive note – Jones our kitty flew back from Texas with us and is now happily enjoying her new home in Virginia. 
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Love you all and I hope to write more soon. Send me love and prayers if you would, I sure could use them. 
Jen

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